This is how I imagine it goes down in every future home of the nutri-bullet or ninja bullet, or whatever other new iteration of blender they’re hawking on tv. I get irritated when these ads comes on and they spin (honestly not intended) their bullshit about patented cyclonic action (ie it moves shit in circles) extracting nutrients, unlike a blender of course, They’re so bloody defensive about the “B” word too, “It’s not a blender, it’s a Nutrition Extraction System.” You know what? so is my gut and it doesn’t give a fuck about which cyclonic action got it there!
But I digress, by all accounts from friends and family who’ve fallen for it’s marketing gimmicks, it’s a good blender and makes a mean Margarita, and that’s what’s important. But they cant just say “hey check out this great new blender that doesn’t make lumpy ass margaritas like that piece of shit you bought 8 years ago for $30.” Nah, they gotta call it something new, and make it do something different to justify the new name and the wallet denting price. They have to make it healthier and more delicious, like some-how the way these blades spin turns your Kale into Kal-El. Really? You telling me this blender…sorry, Nutrition Extraction System, takes ordinary dirt-patch tasting vegetables and turns them into orgasm inducing “Super Foods”? See if they called it a super blender, maybe you’ll remember that the $30 one you got made pretty smooth smoothies too when it was new, and that a new $30 special might do just as good a job as this miracle machine on T.V.
So should you go out and get a another cheapo sunbeam or call that number in the next 15 minutes to secure your random set of cookware, normally a $600 value (except they couldn’t sell them at that price if they paid Gisele Bundchen to hand deliver them… topless)? where was I again? oh yeah, blenders, When our cheapo Blendo-matic broke down, I went out and got a upper-mid range blender that was on sale for like a hundy, and I’m happy with my choice. It makes great Margaritas and super smooth smoothies and the best part is, I’ll never call them Nutriblasts not even accidentally, cause they were made in a good old fashion blender.